To accept that I'll never be as good as I really want to be, that that version simply doesn't exist. To not want it in the first place, and let things spin in their own funny way. There's no real need to have to be as good as I want to be anyways. It's fine to not be as well-read as her, or the version of her that's significantly more capable in your current studies. It's fine to not know how to cook all that well, it's okay to not be as appealing as you want yourself to be. It's fine to not know what to do sometimes, and it's fine to crawl around the bed in the early morning hours for a few hours (so long as you get up in the end...). You don't need to be as exceptional as her at all.
She's an idea; not a human. What was once expected of you, is not what it has to be.
Permanence isn't real. I just hope that whatever happens, I'll not stop learning how to be kinder to people, and to not stop appreciating the hues and shades of the little things. One day, even for a brief moment, on a day trip or on a year's holiday, I'll run away to a corner of the planet alone, and just sit there for a while, and not be around anyone at all. Except perhaps a dog.
