Holy shit, I'm actually an idiot and a half. How have I even
survived this far?
I can't let things stay like this. I don't want my life to be
a constant cycle of things being okay for a little while
before collapsing into itself again. I want so much to be at
peace with myself that I become less at peace. The more useful
I wish to be, the more power I place in other people's
viewpoints, and the less secure I feel in myself. The more at
peace I want to be, the less useful I find myself to other
people. And I cannot survive in this world without being
useful in some way.
How can I feel at peace, and yet useful? Am I pursuing the
wrong path? Is this what I really want to do? What do I even
want? How can I survive in a way that makes me somewhat
content whilst in a position to pay the bills? Am I even
looking at life the right way?
This site is a mess. I think I'll rewrite it soon.
Some day.
